https://www.duolingo.com/Criculann

78th Lingots For Stories: Time Travel!

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Welcome to the 78th Weekly Lingots for Stories! You write a story in a language you are learning and post it in this thread, it's corrected by someone who's a native of or fluent in that language and you will get 1-7 lingots depending on how good your story is (considering points like orthography, vocabulary, grammar, style, execution of task and your current level). There's a new Lingots for Stories every week (I usually upload the thread on Sunday or Monday) so try to write your story before the next L4S has been uploaded.

Do you want to be informed immediately whenever a new L4S is uploaded? Click here to check out our blog!

Your stories are checked by:

If you want to help correcting, write a message on my stream (our goal’s to have 1-3 checkers per language depending on its popularity).

List of all previous L4S (thank you, zenith.)

This week's subject: Time Travel! Time travelling is a subject that we as people seem to take a great interest into. Think of The Time Machine by H.G. Wells, or Doctor Who and the Back to the Future franchise both of which have a cult following. Not just that, nearly every sci-fi TV show has at least a few episodes dealing with the topic. Now it's your turn! Create your own Doctor, build a new DeLorean! Write at least 80 words but it's highly encouraged to write more for even more practice.

If you have a suggestion for next week's Lingots for Stories' topic, tell me please.

Have fun writing stories in foreign languages!

September 14, 2015

55 Comments


https://www.duolingo.com/Criculann
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Checkers, please take a look at last week's L4S! There are still unchecked stories in English, French, Danish and Swedish!

I have recently asked all the checkers to leave a message on my stream to verify their continued interest in L4S. As some haven't done so yet I'll leave a message on their stream. If you don't reply to this message until Thursday you'll be deleted from the checker's list!

This week's topic has been suggested by Tamuna10 (who's writing a book about the subject if I recall correctly)! Thank you!

We also have a new checker, Prol3psis, for Italian and Dutch! Our Turkish checker had to leave the team due to time reasons.

September 14, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/truelefty
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Welcome Prol3psis! :D

September 16, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Prol3psis
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Thanks for the welcome Criculann and G2DIPI_true ! :D Sorry for the late reply, didn't see this until just now :)

G2DIPI_true... qué n0m_br3 más complicado tienes! :D

September 26, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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El viaje en el tiempo es siempre emocionante para mí. Visitaría el futuro e vería los siguientes:

Hungría: Viviré cien años? Quiero estar un hombre con muchos hijos e y nietos.

España: Tendré un castillo allí? Quiero vivir en España e tener una casa o un castillo.

Alemania: Trabajaré allí? Quiero trabajar en Alemania pero pasar el verano siempre en España o en Italia.

Italia: Venezia estará todavía allí? Quiero visitar esa ciudad. Espero Venezia nunca morirá.

América: Tendrá todavía poder económico? Quiero visitar Florida y New York. Espero que esas ciudades serán todavía grandes y admirables.

DuoLingo: Podré aprender cien idiomas con DuoLingo en el futuro? Quiero hablar inglés, alemán, italiano, español y francés bien.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/truelefty
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El viaje en el tiempo siempre me emocionó/entusiasmó. Visitaría el futuro y vería lo siguiente:

Hungría: ¿Viviré cien años? Quiero ser un hombre con muchos hijos [] y nietos.

España: ¿Tendré un castillo allí? Quiero vivir en España y tener una casa o un castillo.

Alemania: ¿Trabajaré allí? Quiero trabajar en Alemania pero pasar el verano siempre en España o en Italia.

Italia: ¿Venecia estará todavía allí? Quiero visitar esa ciudad. Espero que Venecia nunca muera.

Estados Unidos: ¿Tendrá todavía poder económico? Quiero visitar Florida y Nueva York. Espero que esas ciudades sean todavía grandes y admirables.

DuoLingo: ¿Podré aprender cien idiomas con DuoLingo en el futuro? Quiero hablar inglés, alemán, italiano, español y francés bien.


You have very few mistakes

Remember that "and" is "y", it's only "e" when the next word starts with an "i" sound

Also, how many time do you think that you will need to travel to see all these things you describe? 10 years, 40, 80, 100?

Your score: [6/7] -> Well done Ledo :)

September 16, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Ciao Guido! Thanks a lot for the correction!

I would see all of these things 40 years later. :)

Also thanks for the positive recognition! Ciao,

Ledo.

September 17, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/truelefty
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Quarant'anni... Io non penso che Venezia 'morirà' in quarant'anni... Noi speriamo che no!

Sono contento che ti abbiano piaciuto i miei correzioni :)

Ciao, G2DIPI_true

September 17, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Tamuna10
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Okay, as Criculann has mentioned, I really wrote a book about Time Travel topic, it's Spongebob Squarepants: The Voyage in Time. (Nickelodeon gave me the right to publish this book, but the request for licence is currently pending). As you guys already helped me to edit the prologue, I would like to edit also the most important chapter of it :) So, let's go (A big sorry to the checkers for this chapter being so enormous. But it's mostly only dialogues so that makes it easier to check):

“Why the fifteenth century, Sandy?” asked Squidward.

“Because, Squid, I always wanted to see a genius living in fifteenth century, who was the greatest inventor of his time. I’m sure he will teach me many things.”

“Oh, so interesting…” Squidward grumbled.

“I must tell you Squidward that he was also a famous artist,” Sandy smiled.

“Oh, now that’s really interesting” Squidward beamed too.

“The kings had a lot of gold in fifteenth century… You chose a good epoch Sandy” Mr. Krabs liked it.

The time machine went onto the ground at a poor wooden house.

The friends went out of the machine.

“The famous artist lived in a house like this?” Squidward got surprised.

“Unfortunately, they didn’t acknowledge him in his epoch,” Sandy answered.

“Yeah, I understand him,” Squid mumbled.

Sandy knocked on the door.

A long-bearded, poor-clothed fish opened the door. When he saw Sandy in a suit, he exclaimed:

“Here! It still happened! I knew they would come! They would come!”

“Who they?” the squirrel got surprised.

“You,” the fish answered, “sorry, where are my manners…” he smiled, “I’m Signor Leonardo Da Fishi, an artist and an inventor,” he presented himself, “Come in!”

The friends entered the house.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sandy smilingly answered, “I’m Sandy Cheeks, this is SpongeBob SquarePants, and these are Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles and Eugene Krabs,” she presented her friends.

“Oh, no, no, with these names I won’t be able to take you to the king,” Da Fishi refused, “you should change your names. You should name yourself somehow delicately.”

“Okay then, how do you like SpongeBob Le SquarePants?” smiled SpongeBob, standing with a proud face.

“Yes, that’s it! You understood me well!” Da Fishi got happy.

“Then, I’m Patrick De L’Étoile ,” joyful Patrick exclaimed.

“And I’m Squidward Di Tentaclini!”

“I’m Eugene De Krabs!”

“And I’m Sandy De La Cheeks!”

“Excellent!” Leonardo liked it and clapped, “That’s the other thing! Good job!”

Suddenly Squidward noticed a marvelous picture-a fish woman with a beautiful hair, who was standing brilliantly and had such a smile that if you didn’t pay attention well you wouldn’t even notice if she was really smiling.

“Wow, Signor Da Fishi, this is your painting? So beautiful, such combination of colours! What a smile! Perfect! Mysterious!” Squidward cried out.

“This is my masterpiece, Pesca Lisa,” Da Fishi answered, “although, the king didn’t like it.”

“What is this?” Squidward asked and now pointed on the picture where there were shown two fish holding out their hands from the top and the bottom.

“This is a painting of my rival, Piscelangelo, which everybody liked,” Leonardo answered.

“Hmm… My version was better…” Squid mumbled and looked at his painting, where instead of fish there were squids holding out hands.

“Is this the project of the first boat, Signor Da Fishi?” Sandy asked and pointed on a paper where there was shown a project of the first boat.

“Yes, Signora Sandy, you guessed, it’s that indeed,” Leonardo answered, “but the king doesn’t give me money to construct it.”

“But it’s a perfect project!” Sandy exclaimed, “No, Signor Da Fishi, we should ask the audience to the king! We should fulfill this project!”

Indeed, soon the friends dressed in beautiful and delicate clothes went to the king together with Leonardo Da Fishi.

“Hello, your majesty!” SpongeBob greeted him and twisted the pasted moustache, “I’m SpongeBob Le SquarePants, the count of Bikini Bottom! Let me present my friends, the nobility of our kingdom: Patrick De L’Étoile, Squidward Di Tentaclini, Sandy De La Cheeks and Eugene De Krabs! We came to his lordship to give him an excellent project of a self-propelled boat of Monsieur Leonardo Da Fishi!”

“A self-propelled boat? Self-propelled boat?” the people whispered.

“Show me that project!” the king ordered.

The king looked at the project given by Sandy. He liked this noble society come to him, who delicately grimaced, so that he instantly gave Signor Da Fishi the money to realise his project. Soon self-propelled boats became so popular that everybody paid money to Signor Da Fishi to buy them. And Da Fishi, as a sign of gratitude, gave a big part of this money to the friends, which Mr. Krabs instantly pocketed.

“So this is how they earned money in the past!” he said, “My friends, this voyage was the greatest thing we ever started!”

“I agree with you!” Sandy cried out.

“Us too!” they cried together.

They said goodbye to grateful Da Fishi and sat again into the time machine.

“And now let’s go to twelfth century!” Sandy said.

The time machine moved.

September 14, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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Corrections highlighted, explanations in [square brackets].


"Why the fifteenth century, Sandy?” asked Squidward.

“Because, Squid, I have always wanted to meet [suggestion for a better word here, given the context] a genius living in fifteenth century, who was the greatest inventor of his time. I’m sure he will teach me many things.”

“Oh, so interesting…” Squidward grumbled.

“I must tell you Squidward that he was also a famous artist,” Sandy smiled.

“Oh, now that’s really interesting.” Squidward beamed too.

“The kings had a lot of gold in the fifteenth century… You chose a good time, Sandy.” Mr. Krabs liked it.

The time machine landed on the ground at a poor wooden house.

The friends exited the machine.

“The famous artist lived in a house like this?” Squidward was surprised.

“Unfortunately, they didn’t acknowledge him in his time,” Sandy answered. ["Epoch" is quite an antiquated, uncommon word - we can use "time" or "era" far more commonly.]

“Yeah, I understand him,” Squid mumbled.

Sandy knocked on the door.

A long-bearded, poor-clothed [I know what you mean here, but it doesn't really make grammatical sense - might I suggest instead, using some word to describe how the clothing is "poor" - maybe "shabbily-dressed" would be better?] fish opened the door. When he saw Sandy in a suit, he exclaimed:

Look here! It has happened! I knew they would come! They came!”

“Who are they?” the squirrel said,surprised.

“You,” the fish answered. “Sorry, where are my manners?” he smiled. “I’m Signor Leonardo Da Fishi, an artist and an inventor,” he introduced himself. “Come in!”

The friends entered the house.

“It’s nice to meet you,” Sandy answered, smiling. “I’m Sandy Cheeks, this is SpongeBob SquarePants, and these are Patrick Star, Squidward Tentacles and Eugene Krabs,” she introduced her friends.

“Oh, no, no, with those names I won’t be able to take you to the king,” Da Fishi protested. “You should change your names. You should name yourselves more delicately.” [I'm not quite sure "delicately" is the word you want here - do you mean "in a more sophisticated way", or "more elegantly", or something like that?]

“Okay then, how do you like SpongeBob Le SquarePants?” smiled SpongeBob, standing with a proud face.

“Yes, that’s it! You understood me well!” Da Fishi was happy.

“Then, I’m Patrick De L’Étoile,” Patrick exclaimed joyfully.

“And I’m Squidward Di Tentaclini!”

“I’m Eugene De Krabs!”

“And I’m Sandy De La Cheeks!”

“Excellent!” Leonardo liked it and clapped. “That’s the way! Good job!”

Suddenly Squidward noticed a marvelous picture-a fish woman with a beautiful hair, who was standing brilliantly [again, I'm not sure this is quite the right word - is she standing proudly, tall, beautifully?] and had such a smile that if you didn’t pay attention, well, you wouldn’t even notice if she was really smiling.

“Wow, Signor Da Fishi, this is your painting? So beautiful, such a combination of colours! What a smile! Perfect! Mysterious!” Squidward cried out.

“This is my masterpiece, Pesca Lisa,” Da Fishi answered, “although, the king didn’t like it.”

“What is this?” Squidward asked and now pointed on the picture where there were shown two fish holding out their hands from the top and the bottom.

“This is a painting by my rival, Piscelangelo, which everybody liked,” Leonardo answered.

“Hmm… My version was better…” Squid mumbled and looked at his painting, where instead of fish there were squids holding out their hands.

“Is this the plan for the first boat, Signor Da Fishi?” Sandy asked and pointed on a paper where there was shown a project of the first boat.

“Yes, Signora Sandy, you guessed, itis indeed that,” Leonardo answered, “but the king won't give me money to construct it.”

“But it’s a perfect project!” Sandy exclaimed. “No, Signor Da Fishi, we should ask for an audience with the king! We should fulfil this project!”

Indeed, soon the friends, dressed in beautiful and fine clothes, went to the king together with Leonardo Da Fishi.

“Hello, your majesty!” SpongeBob greeted him and twisted his stuck-on moustache. “I’m SpongeBob Le SquarePants, the count of Bikini Bottom! Let me present my friends, the nobility of our kingdom: Patrick De L’Étoile, Squidward Di Tentaclini, Sandy De La Cheeks and Eugene De Krabs! We have come to his lordship to give him an excellent plan for a self-propelled boat by Monsieur Leonardo Da Fishi!”

“A self-propelled boat? Self-propelled boat?” the people whispered.

“Show me that project!” the king ordered.

The king looked at the project given to him by Sandy. He liked that this noble group had come to him, anddelicately grimaced, but instantly gave Signor Da Fishi the money to realise his project. [I couldn't quite work out this sentence, sorry, but this is my guess at what it might have been trying to say.] Soon, self-propelled boats became so popular that everybody paid money to Signor Da Fishi to buy them. And Da Fishi, as a sign of gratitude, gave a big part of this money to the friends, which Mr. Krabs instantly pocketed.

“So this is how they earned money in the past!” he said. “My friends, this voyage was the greatest thing we ever started!”

“I agree with you!” Sandy cried out.

“Us too!” they cried together. [Who's "they", in this case - Spongebob and Patrick? That needs to be specified, otherwise it looks like "they" just refers to Sandy and Krabs again.]

They said goodbye to the grateful Da Fishi and got back into the time machine.

“And now let’s go to the twelfth century!” Sandy said.

The time machine took off.


Awwww, a happy ending for everyone! What heroes! :D Very sweet story! There's a few sentences I couldn't quite work out, though, so you'll probably want to check to make sure it still means what you intended.

[4/7] lingots - plus a few from me!

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Tamuna10
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Aw, thank you very much for this effort! :D Yeah, with "delicately", I meant "more elegantly". :)

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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You're welcome, as always, friend! :D

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Die Zeitreise war immer spannend für mich. Ich glaube, dass wir einmal in der Zeit fahren werden. Leider denke ich, dass die erste Zeitreise nicht in diesem Jahrtausand möglich wird.

Mit einer Zeitreise würde ich im Jahr 1989 fahren weil diese Zeit viele Möglichkeiten für die jungen ungarischen Menschen hatte. Viele Felder würde ich – natürlich in Ungarn - kaufen und ich würde Mais und Drogenpflanzen produzieren. Ich würde Kredit benutzen und einen kleinen Betrieb würde ich gründen, wo kann man den Mais verarbeiten. In meinem kleinen Betrieb würde ich Bioethanol produzieren und mit den großen Autohersteller würde ich langfristig Festlegung über das Bioethanol und die Bioskraftstoffbenutzung machen. Das würde ein gutes Business für mich und auch für Ungarn.

Die Zukunft würde auch wirklich interessant: Ich würde mich im Jahr 2050 sehen, weil ich mein Leben sehen würde. Einen Computer würde ich auch benutzen, weil ich hoffe, dass in der Zukunft man mindestens hundert Sprachen mit DuoLingo lernen kann.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/mizinamo
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Zeitreisen war für mich immer ein spannendes Thema. Ich glaube, dass wir einmal durch die Zeit reisen werden. Leider denke ich, dass die erste Zeitreise nicht in diesem Jahrtausend (with -send not -sand) möglich sein wird. (oder: dass die erste Zeitreise nicht in diesem Jahrtausend stattfinden wird)

Mit einer Zeitreise würde ich ins (accusative: movement into the year!) Jahr 1989 fahren, (comma) weil diese Zeit viele Möglichkeiten für die jungen ungarischen Menschen (ich würde sagen: für junge ungarische Menschen) bot ("Möglichkeiten bieten hört sich für mich besser an als "Möglichkeiten haben"). Viele Felder würde ich – natürlich in Ungarn - kaufen (Ich glaube, hier ist eine andere Reihenfolge besser: Ich würde viele Felder - natürlich in Ungarn - kaufen; deine Reihenfolge wäre natürlicher, wenn du betonen wolltest, dass von allen gekauften Feldern, viele von dir gekauft wurden) und ich würde Mais und Drogenpflanzen anbauen. Ich würde Kredite aufnehmen und einen kleinen Betrieb (ohne "würde ich")* gründen, wo kann man den Mais verarbeitet. In meinem kleinen Betrieb würde ich Bioethanol produzieren und mit den großen Autoherstellern würde ich langfristig vereinbaren, Bioethanol und Bioskraftstoff zu benutzen. Das wäre ein gutes Geschäft für mich und auch für Ungarn.

Die Zukunft wäre auch wirklich interessant: Ich würde mich selbst im Jahr 2050 ansehen, weil ich mein Leben sehen wollen würde. Einen Computer würde ich auch benutzen besser: Ich würde auch einen Computer benutzen, weil ich hoffe, dass man in der Zukunft 'man' hier weg mit Duolingo mindestens hundert Sprachen mit DuoLingo - weg lernen kann.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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Ich hatte mal mit Ledo gesprochen, er will lieber Heilpflanzen statt Drogen anbauen. Da hoffen wir mal, dass er die Wahrheit spricht. ;-D

September 17, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Hallo Mizinamo. Vielen Dank für die Korrektur. Es ist wirklich hilfreich und klar für mich. Danke schön für deine Zeit und die Kommentare. Ciao, Ledo.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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Ich habe mir nur deinen Text durchgelesen, den von Ledo habe ich nicht im Hinterkopf.

"..., wo man den Mais verarbeiten kann."

"In meinem kleinen Betrieb würde ich Bioethanol produzieren und mit den großen Autoherstellern würde ich langfristig vereinbaren(,) Bioethanol und Bio[]kraftstoff zu benutzen. [ohne s] "

Die Zukunft wäre auch wirklich interessant: Ich würde mich selbst im Jahr 2050 sehen/ansehen [beides möglich, ich bevorzuge "sehen"] , weil ich mein Leben sehen wollen würde.

Einen Computer würde ich auch benutzen, weil ich hoffe, dass man in der Zukunft mit Duolingo mindestens hundert Sprachen lernen kann. ~ beide Varianten mit "Computer - auch - benutzen" klingen gut.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Hallo Abendbrot. Alles ist klar und danke für die Erklärungen. Ciao, Ledo.

September 16, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Vorrei vedere il futuro: Come possiamo trovare un'ottima soluzione per i migranti? Dobbiamo aiutare per loro? O lasceremo al loro destino?

La situazione politica non è semplice in Asia. Ci sono guerre, ribellioni e miseria lì. Nessuno possa vedere la giusta situazione nei quelli paesi ma un sacco di gente da Asia vivrebbero in Europa dove la vita è sicura, l’uguaglianza di diritti è possibile e la gente posso vivere in pace.

Se vedrei il futuro o farei una gita lì, raccoglierei informazioni come la gente del futuro solverà i problemi etnici, politici ed economici.

Sono sicuro che l’umanità può sopravvivere tutto e solvere tutti i problem nel futuro. Sarebbe movimentato dare un occhiato al futuro e vedere come l’umanità si sviluppa.

A proposito: spero che DuoLingo avrà la possibilità di insegnare al minimo cento lingue nel futuro ma penso che la gente parlerà solo una lingua globale presto.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Prol3psis
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Vorrei vedere il futuro per sapere se riusciremo a trovare un'ottima soluzione per gli immigranti [anche: gli immigrati]. Qual'è la soluzione? Dobbiamo aiutarli? O possiamo abbandonarli al loro destino? [anche: o lasciamo soli gli immigrati]

La situazione politica dell’Asia non è semplice, poiché ci sono guerre, ribellioni e tante situazioni di miseria [occorre un sostantivo al plurale]. Nessuno può capire la vera situazione in quei paesi, ma (è chiaro che) un sacco di asiatici vogliono vivere in Europa dove la vita è sicura, dov’è stata realizzata l’uguaglianza dei diritti e dove la gente è capace di [può] vivere in pace.

Se potessi vedere il futuro e fare un viaggio in Asia [una gita è un'escursione, una passeggiata o un breve viaggio di piacere], raccoglierei informazioni su come la gente del futuro risolve i problemi etnici, politici ed economici.

Sono sicuro che l’umanità può sopravvivere [superare] tutto e risolvere tutti i problemi nel futuro. Sarebbe motivante [o emozionante? Non sono sicuro che cosa vuoi dire] poter gettare un’occhiata al futuro e vedere come l’umanità si sarà sviluppata.

A proposito: spero che DuoLingo avrà la possibilità d’insegnare almeno cento lingue nel futuro ma penso che presto la gente parlerà solo una lingua globale.

Good effort! I made small adjustments here and there to make it run better, but I didn't put those in yellow. Hope everything is clear, if not, just ask ;) I propose 3/7 + 1 from me !

September 17, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Ledo.
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Ciao Prol3psis. Grazie tante per il tuo aiuto, i tuoi commenti e il lingot. Naturalmente tutto é chiaro. :) Ti saluto, Ledo.

September 17, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Rozandgild

I WANT TO DO THIS SO BAD!!!!!!!! not fluent enough :( I'm what I call a technically non-professional author. I do so much story writing that I think translating my own stories may help in the language learning process. Thanks for the idea! -Team Leo

September 14, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/truelefty
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Write what you can, if you don't get to 80 words it's okay! ;D

September 16, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/chirelchirel
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I wanted to stop her, but I did nothing. I never did. It wouldn't have helped anything. She got an idea and off she went to… whenever, I suppose. And I was stuck here. Just because I felt uncomfortable putting that helmet on and connecting to the machine. I watched her body, but in a way it wasn't her. Not now, not until she'd come back.

I had tried it once. Years ago, on our first date. Her lips were soft and all I could think was that if I'd be adventurous and try the machine, I'd be rewarded. She didn't really have to try too hard to get me to put the helmet on. I heard the quiet hum from the machine. It tried to sedate me, I thought, but of course it was a silly thought. It was just a machine. She was ready, her helmet on, sitting by my side. Smiling in a way I was just starting to love, and would later start to fear. But the love never disappeared. I swallowed and she clapped enthusiastically before she pushed some buttons.

I felt like throwing up immediately. It felt wrong. There I was, standing on a distant shore and I could still feel myself sitting somehow. I kept hearing the machine hum, but she assured me it was just waves.

"Where are we," I asked. When Are we, I thought.

"Isn't it amazing! I come here whenever I need to feel the power of nature. You can't really get the same feeling back home."

That was true. I thought about home and felt dizzy. I started to sway with the waves, slowly, steadily, back and forth. Her smile disappeared. She walk to me and touched my shoulder. I sayd I was ok, smiled bravely. Her lips were so close. Then I threw up. She gasp, jumped away. I fell on all floors, felt sick again.

But I was sitting on the chair and the only hum came from the machine. She got up immediately and came to me. Helped me up and on the bed. She got a wet towel and a bucket and lay beside me until the vertigo subsided and I was feeling myself again.

She didn't kiss me that night, but she didn't leave me either. Well at least not then. She said she wanted to be with me, but she had to travel. See other places, cultures, times. I said I didn't mind. Just so I wouldn't lose her completely. But every time she put that helmet on I knew she wasn't mine.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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Corrections highlighted, explanations in [square brackets].


I wanted to stop her, but I did nothing. I never did. It wouldn't have helped anything. She got an idea and off she went to… whenever, I suppose. And I was stuck here. Just because I felt uncomfortable putting that helmet on and connecting to the machine. I watched her body, but in a way it wasn't her. Not now, not until she came back.

I had tried it once. Years ago, on our first date. Her lips were soft and all I could think was that if I was adventurous and tried the machine, I'd be rewarded. She didn't really have to try too hard to get me to put the helmet on. I heard the quiet hum from the machine. Itwas trying to calm [I think "sedate" might be a bit too strong a word here, but that's just a suggestion] me, I thought, but of course that was a silly thought. It was just a machine. She was ready, her helmet on, sitting by my side. Smiling in a way I was just starting to love, and would later start to fear. But the love never disappeared. I swallowed and she clapped enthusiastically before pushing some buttons.

I felt like throwing up immediately. It felt wrong. There I was, standing on a distant shore and I could still feel myself sitting somehow. I kept hearing the machine humming, but she assured me it was just the waves.

"Where are we?" I asked. When are we, I thought.

"Isn't it amazing! I come here whenever I need to feel the power of nature. You can't really get the same feeling back home."

That was true. I thought about home and felt dizzy. I started to sway with the waves, slowly, steadily, back and forth. Her smile disappeared. She walked up to me and touched my shoulder. I said I was OK, and smiled bravely. Her lips were so close. Then I threw up. She gasped, and jumped away. I fell on all fours, feeling sick again.

But I was sitting on the chair and the only hum came from the machine. She got up immediately and came to me. Helped me up onto the bed. She got a wet towel and a bucket and lay beside me until the vertigo subsided and I was feeling myself again.

She didn't kiss me that night, but she didn't leave me either. Well at least not then. She said she wanted to be with me, but she had to travel. To see other places, cultures, times. [Without the "to" of the infinitive here, it sounds a bit like the imperative.] I said I didn't mind. Just so I wouldn't lose her completely. But every time she put that helmet on I knew she wasn't mine.


Aww, that's so tragic! That poor protagonist - a fool for love! I adore it! :D Very few mistakes, too - great writing!

[6/7] lingots - plus a few from me!

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/chirelchirel
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Oh thanks :) I see I still have some persistent mistakes I need to work on.

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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Not very many - your writing is very good! But keep practising - we all have room to improve!

September 20, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/shalee73

Ella caminía por el bosque, respirando el aire fresco y escuchando el crujido de las hojas debajo de los pies. Estaba sola pero no solitaria, a ella le gustaba mucho la paz y la tranquilidad del bosque silencioso. A su marido, por el contrario, le gustaba quedarse en casa todo el día, trabajando en su laboratorio. Era un inventor. Siempre se estaba inventando nuevos inventos y máquinas.

De repente, habían un estallido y un destello de luz. Algo había aparecido en el camino. Era un objeto grande de forma circular, con muchas cables de varias colores y una puerta en el lado. Esta se abrió y un hombre viejo salió. Llevaba ropa sucia, el pelo era larga y despeinada y la miró con una mirada loca pero familiar en los ojos.

—¡Soy del futuro! ¡Tengo que decirte algo! ¡Es urgente! —gritó y inmediatamente se cayó en el suelo, muerto.

La mujer se quedó en estado de shock. Lo miró. Era como si estuviera petrificado. En vez de caer al suelo, los brazos quedaban en su posición, alcazando hacia delante. ¿O tal vez estaba petrificado de verdad? Ahora el piel se estaba volviendo gris.

Sentía náuseas. ¿Qué estaba pasando? Esto no podía ser real.

Miró el ojecto, esa lata gigántica extraña. Estaba zumbando. Por alguna razón, quería entrarlo. Fue adentro y cerró la puerta. El zumbido se volvió más intenso. La máquina empezó a temblar ruidosamente. Había un estallido. Luego, silencio.

¡¿Qué pasó?!

Salió de la máquina, pero aún estaba en el bosque. El hombre, sin embargo, había desaparecido. La mujer temblaba. Quería ir a casa. Tenía un dolor extraño en el pecho. Trató de seguir el camino familiar que iba a su casa pero de alguna manera se perdió. Despues de vagando por el bosque por horas, encontró el camino que iba a su calle.

Emergió del bosque y caminó rápidamente por la calle para llegar a casa. El dolor se crecía cada vez más peor. Algo de la calle le parace diferente. ¿Cuándo los McCrate pintó su casa rojo?

Por fin llegó a casa y se destuvo. Miraba un espejo... un espejo en forma de humano. Era una mujer exactamente como ella... Pero no, no exactamente. Parecía más vieja. No tenía palabras. La segunda mujer tambíen le parecía estar en estado de shock.

—¡Tú! —dijo la más vieja. —¿Por qué estás aquí? ¿Qué pasó con Henry? ¿Qué pasó con nuestro marido? ¡Causa enfermedad! ¡El viaje en el tiempo causa enfermedad! ¿Qué hiciste!

¿Henry? ¿El hombre de la máquina? No... El dolor en el pecho se volvió aún más intenso. Entonces, o de la pena o de la enfermedad, se destuvo el corazón. Se cayó petrificada en el suelo y la otra gritó y luego desapereció.


PD: La próxima vez trataré de no terminar mi historia con la muerte de mis personajes xD

Sorry about the length! I got a bit carried away.

September 16, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/truelefty
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Ella caminaba por el bosque, respirando el aire fresco y escuchando el crujido de las hojas debajo de los/sus pies. Estaba sola pero no solitaria, a ella le gustaba mucho la paz y la tranquilidad del bosque silencioso. A su marido, por el contrario, le gustaba quedarse en [la/su] casa todo el día, trabajando en su laboratorio. Era un inventor. Siempre [] estaba inventando nuevos inventos y máquinas.

De repente, hubo un estallido y un destello de luz. Algo había aparecido en el camino. Era un objeto grande de forma circular, con muchos cables de varios colores y una puerta en el lado/costado. Esta se abrió y un hombre viejo salió de adentro. Llevaba ropa sucia, su pelo estaba largo y despeinado y la miraba con una mirada loca pero familiar en los ojos.

—¡Soy del futuro! ¡Tengo que decirte algo! ¡Es urgente! —gritó e inmediatamente [] cayó en el suelo/de desplomó, muerto.

La mujer se quedó en estado de shock. Lo miró. Era como si estuviera petrificado. En vez de quedar en una posición extraña, los/sus brazos se quedaron en su posición/la posición que estaban, levantados hacia adelante. ¿O tal vez estaba petrificado de verdad? Ahora el piel se le estaba volviendo gris.

Sentía náuseas. ¿Qué estaba pasando? Esto no podía ser real.

Miró al objeto, esa lata gigantesca, extraña. Estaba zumbando. Por alguna razón, quería entrar. Fue adentro y cerró la puerta. El zumbido se volvió más intenso. La máquina empezó a temblar ruidosamente. Hubo un estallido. Luego, silencio.

¡¿Qué pasó?!

Salió de la máquina, pero aún estaba en el bosque. El hombre, sin embargo, había desaparecido. La mujer temblaba. Quería ir a casa. Tenía un dolor extraño en el pecho. Trató de seguir el camino familiar que iba a su casa pero de alguna manera se perdió. Despues de vagar por el bosque por horas, encontró el camino que conducía a su calle.

Salió del bosque y caminó rápidamente por la calle para llegar a casa. El dolor era cada vez [] peor. Algo de la calle le parecía diferente. ¿Cuándo habían pintado su casa de rojo los McCrate?

Por fin llegó a casa y se detuvo. Miraba un espejo... un espejo en forma de humano [??]. Era una mujer exactamente como ella... Pero no, no exactamente. Parecía más vieja. No tenía palabras. La segunda mujer tambíen [] parecía estar en estado de shock.

—¡Tú! —dijo la más vieja. —¿Por qué estás aquí? ¿Qué pasó con Henry? ¿Qué pasó con nuestro marido? ¡Causa enfermedad! ¡El viaje en el tiempo causa enfermedad! ¿Qué hiciste!

¿Henry? ¿El hombre de la máquina? No... El dolor en el pecho se volvió aún más intenso. Entonces, o por la pena o por la enfermedad, se destuvo su corazón. Cayó petrificada en el suelo y la otra gritó y luego desapereció.


PD: La próxima vez trataré de no terminar mi historia con la muerte de mis personajes xD

Sorry about the length! I got a bit carried away.


Your stories are amazing! xD

If you want, kill your characters, haha, but not all of them xD

I'll say

[6/7]

You make spelling errors mostly, those are marked in bold.

Also, some of your errors are "I'd prefer to say it this way"; are not wrong, but the sentences sound a bit weird.

Good job :)

But I have 1 thing to ask you:

Miraba un espejo... un espejo en forma de humano -> Was she looking through a mirror or through a glass or something? Or did the woman in the mirror talk to her?

September 22, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/shalee73

Thank you! :D

Next time I promise at least one character will survive! xD

Thanks for letting me know where I can improve! I'm guessing natural-sounding sentences will probably just take time/more exposure to Spanish. Though I'm sure your corrections are also helping!

I'm assuming when give me an option like (la/su), it's the second one that seems more natural to you? Or no?

Miraba un espejo... un espejo en forma de humano - > Was she looking through a mirror or through a glass or something? Or did the woman in the mirror talk to her?

Maybe that was confusing... I actually meant that she was looking right at the woman (her future self), but she felt like she was looking at a mirror (I wrote it as a fact to make the story more from her perspective). By "un espejo en forma de humano" I meant a human that acted like a mirror because they [appeared] to reflect the other person.

September 23, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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Jeder von uns bereut etwas, was er gemacht hat und denkt darüber nach, wie das Jetzt aussehen würde, wenn er es anders gemacht hätte. "Wenn ich nur Zeit zurückziehen könnte..." - sagen wir oft so. Zeitreisen sind zur Zeit leider nicht möglich, aber man weiß nicht, was die Zukunft bringen wird.

Angenommen, dass wir es geschafft haben, durch die Zeit zu reisen, sollten wir die Folgen berücksichtigen, die eine Zeitreise nach sich zieht. Wenn man ein kleines Detail der Vergangenheit ändert, ändert sich auch die Zukunft. Es lässt sich nicht hervorsagen, wie unsere Welt ändern würde. Was wenn die ändernde Zukunft noch schlimmer wäre? Die Vergangenheit ist vorbei, also sollte man nicht mehr darum sorgen und sich darum bemühen, dass die Zukunft besser wird.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/mizinamo
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Jeder von uns bereut etwas, was er gemacht hat und denkt darüber nach, wie das Jetzt aussehen würde, wenn er es anders gemacht hätte. "Wenn ich nur die Zeit zurückdrehen könnte..." - sagen wir oft. Zeitreisen sind zurzeit (this is the post-reform spelling; "zur Zeit" is pre-reform) leider nicht möglich, aber man weiß nicht, was die Zukunft bringen wird.

Angenommen, dass wir es geschafft haben, durch die Zeit zu reisen, sollten wir die Folgen berücksichtigen, die eine Zeitreise nach sich zieht. Wenn man ein kleines Detail der Vergangenheit ändert, ändert sich auch die Zukunft. Es lässt sich nicht vorhersagen ("hervorsagen" sounds as if you make something come out of something else or come out of hiding by speaking :D), wie sich unsere Welt ändern (or better: verändern) würde. Was, (I think there should be a comma here) wenn die geänderte Zukunft noch schlimmer wäre? Die Vergangenheit ist vorbei, also sollte man sich nicht mehr darum sorgen (oder: sich nicht mehr darüber Sorgen machen, oder: sich nicht mehr darüber den Kopf zerbrechen) und sich (stattdessen) darum bemühen, dass die Zukunft besser wird.

Fast fehlerfrei, 6/7

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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Perfekt.

September 15, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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Danke für die Korrektur! Wenn du willst, kannst du Hinweise auf Deutsch geben, mir ist egal. :)

oder: sich nicht mehr darüber den Kopf zerbrechen

Von der Redewendung habe ich nicht gehört, aber es gefällt mir. Von heute an werde ich es benutzen. :)

September 18, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/mizinamo
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...sie gefällt mit ... werde ich sie benutzen :)

September 18, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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Ich bin nie sicher, ob ich "es" oder "er/sie/es" benutzen sollte. Manche Leute, auch Muttersprachler, benutzen immer "es" (Ich habe mir einen neuen Computer gekauft. Es ist schnell).

September 18, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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Ach so, danke für den Hinweis! Er ist nützlich. :)

September 18, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/mizinamo
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Argh, that just sounds so wrong to me!

Ich würde empfehlen, im Zweifelsfall er/sie/es zu benutzen.

"Es" nur, wenn du dich nicht auf ein konkretes Hauptwort beziehst sondern auf einen Satz an sich.

"Sie" eventuell bei "Mädchen", wenn das Wort etwas weiter weg ist.

September 18, 2015

https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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Ich glaube, die Person dachte schneller als man folgen kann.

"Ich habe mir einen neuen Computer gekauft. Jetzt läuft es(=das Programm) schnell." oder

"Ich habe mir einen neuen Computer gekauft. Jetzt läuft es." Ein unspezifisches "es". Vergleichbar mit: "Wie geht es dir?"

September 23, 2015

[deactivated user]

    Hey, do you have to apply before to join?

    September 14, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/gabzerbinatoEng
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    No, just write your story in the comments :)

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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    You only should inform Criculann in case you want to become a corrector.

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Criculann
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    As Abendbrot and gabzerbinatoEng already pointed out if you just want to write a story then go ahead and do it. If you want to be a corrector write me a message and tell me for which language(s) and I'll add you to the list of checkers.

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/KyledelPue
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    I would love to but I don't even know how to write in past tense except in English and Chinese, the latter of which I have only a rudimentary grasp of.

    On the other hand, I have some ideas:

    -The first time you tried to use your learned language in conversation

    -School

    -Siblings

    -Travel

    -Awkward cultural differences.

    By the way, I love these Lingots for stories. Keep them coming and maybe, in the future, I can finally master past-tense.

    September 14, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Abendbrot
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    http://dix.osola.com/v.php

    In case you learn spanish. There are all the tenses. :D We only need to learn when to use which of them.

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Criculann
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    Thanks for suggestions and kind words :) I think we already had most of them but I guess some of these lie so far back that we can do one on them in the near future again.

    And don't let the fact of not having learned the past tense yet stop you. Even with just the present tense you can write great stories ;)

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/mizinamo
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    The good thing about time travel is that it can always be the present time :)

    If you want to write about your parents, just travel back in time to when they were young! "My father is going to school in Idaho". No past tense needed :D

    September 15, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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    Finally, I've built a time machine. After years spent on this project, I'm standing proudly in front of my invention. Being the first one to build such a thing, I'm sure to be famous in the future. I can imagine children learning from their tablets (as textbooks will definitely go out of fasion) about me.

    So here I am, in a dark messy room and with "it" in the middle. Although the time machine reminds rather of a battered car, it's functional and ready for its first travel through time. It took me a while to choose the destination. At the very beginning I was planning to see Europe before the Industrial Revolution to find out what was it like to live without goods we have today, but suddenly it dawned on me that it wouldn't be exhilarating. Why not set the meter back as much as possible?

    I don't remember exactly what happened after I had started the time machine. I guess, our human body isn't accustomed to traveling through time and that's the reason I had passed out. Nevertheless, I've made it. The first time travel has been achieved by me.

    I don't really know what year is it, as the meter broke down. However, this world isn't similar to our world, not at all. Huge trees, vast oceans and no sign of the civilization. I mean, for me that was it. The sea is temming with species I had heard only on Geography lessons - ammonites, trilobites and belemnites. I guess dinosaurs are long dead. Well, actually I'm glad that I didn't encounter them.

    After 7 or 8 days, I'm not planning to come back to the modern period. I've built a hut, a hammock and finally I have a nice tan! It's a real paradise. I think it wasn't the right moment to say that. The time machine have started to let out akward sounds, so I went to check if everything's fine.

    It wasn't. Before I noticed, I was again in my dark room. To make it worse, the time machine seemed devastated.

    September 18, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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    Corrections highlighted, explanations in [square brackets].


    Finally, I've built a time machine. After years spent on this project, I'm standing proudly in front of my invention. Being the first one to build such a thing, I'm sure to be famous in the future. I can imagine children learning from their tablets (as textbooks will definitely go out of fashion) about me.

    So here I am, in a dark, messy room and with "it" in the middle. Although the time machine reminds me rather of a battered car, it's functional and ready for its first trip through time. It took me a while to choose the destination. At the very beginning I was planning to see Europe before the Industrial Revolution to find out what it was like to live without the goods [or maybe "luxuries" would be a better word than "goods" here] we have today, but suddenly it dawned on me that it wouldn't be exhilarating. Why not set the meter back as much as possible?

    I don't remember exactly what happened after I started the time machine. I guess, our human body isn't accustomed to traveling through time and that's the reason I passed out. Nevertheless, I've made it. The first time travel has been achieved by me.

    I don't really know what year is it, as the meter broke down. However, this world isn't similar to our world, not at all. Huge trees, vast oceans and no sign of civilization. I mean, for me that was it. The sea is teeming with species I had heard of only in Geography lessons - ammonites, trilobites and belemnites. I guess dinosaurs are long dead. Well, actually I'm glad that I didn't encounter them.

    After 7 or 8 days, I'm not planning to come back to the modern period. I've built a hut and a hammock, and I finally have a nice tan! It's a real paradise. [New paragraph here because of the change in mood - just a suggestion.]

    I think that wasn't the right moment to say that. The time machine started to let out awkward sounds, so I went to check if everything was all right.

    It wasn't. Before I noticed, [not quite the right word here - usually, we would say something like "before I knew what was happening"] I was again in my dark room. To make it worse, the time machine seemed devastated.


    Awwww! I love it! And blimey, you've got good! Just some very minor corrections here. I will say to watch the tenses, though. The first part which happened in the past is written in present tense, and the second part which happens in the present is written in past tense. Normally I think stories would do that the other way around.

    [6/7] lingots - plus a few from me!

    September 19, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/PonyDesu
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    Thanks! I thought something was wrong with the senses, but let's blame it on side effects of time traveling. :)

    September 19, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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    XD Don't worry, we'll have Gallifreyan for English and Polish speakers in the incubator one day!

    September 20, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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    I am quite possibly overly ambitious...still, gotta push to try and improve... Have a short Doctor Who fanfic!


    Eléanor Martin ne pouvait pas s’empêcher de se demander si elle avait glissé dans un rêve.

    Ou plus mal ...

    Certainement, ce semblait plausible, que le véhicule de police qui avait été en train d’accélérer vers elle, en fait lui avait frappé, l’embardée brusque allant mal. Peut-être la forme solide qui avait entré en collision avec elle et lui poussé à côté avait été le pare-chocs de la voiture, et pas la grande forme maigre d’un homme habillé bizarrement, à qui elle avait attaché elle-même, jusqu’à il avait separé lui-même de s’étreinte et se tourné pour partir.

    Il n’avait pas semblé de lui décourager, quand elle avait suivé, et avait présenté lui-même comme un Docteur. Pourtant, il n’était pas allé au ambulance attendant. Plutôt, à sa confusion, il était allé à une cabine de police bleue et démodée, déverouillé la porte, tourné vers elle, et dit :

    « Bien ? Est-ce que vous venez ? »

    ~

    « Où sommes-nous ? »

    C’était évident que le vaisseau s’était met à quai. Les cylindres d’or et d’argent, au milieu du console hexagonal et en marbre indigo, avaient fait taire, et la chambre entier avait devenu silente et immobile.

    « C’est la question fausse, Mademoiselle Martin, » le Docteur repondra, se lèvant près du console, avec un main se posait sur le bord un peu tendrement. Il y avait une lueur d’excitation dans ses yeux grises. Sourcillant, perplexe, elle poussa la porte.

    La première chose qui éveilla s’attention fut la bruit. Des vendeurs dans kiosques en bois claironnaient, les roux des carriages grinçaient et les sabots des chevaux résonnaient sur pavés, et des personnes ses promènaient à travers du smog et des lumières des lampes, allaient et viennant aux pubs bruyants. Elle cligna des yeux, ferma la porte, l’ouvra encore ...

    « C’est ... quoi ?! » Mais, elle reconnit la ligne d’horizon. « Rue de Whitechapel. J’ai grandit pas loin d’ici. Mais ... Quand sommes-nous ? »

    « Ah, je savait qu’on arriverait là ... » Avec un sourire un peu tordu, le Docteur lui guida de sortir la porte et dans la rue. Ce semblait que pas de personne remarqua leur apparition soudaine - ou, d’ailleurs, la cabine de police qui prenait le plus du trottoir devant d’eux.

    « On est le trente-et-un août, mille huit cent quatre-vingt-huit, » dit-il, en commencant à descendre dans la rue, avec Eléanor près du côté.

    « Oh ! » Un petit morceau d’histoire locale entrit l’esprit. « Oh, la vache ... oh, la vache ! Tu vas arrêter Jack l’Éventreur ! Tu as une machine de temps, et tu vas arrêter Jack l’Éventreur ! »

    « Arrêter-lui ? » Le Docteur laissa échapper un rire court et plutôt froid. « Ma cherie ... le personnage que vous connaissez comme ’Jack l’Éventreur’ est en partie d’histoire, et vous marchez en histoire. La monde comme vous le connaissez, cela serait assez différent si ceux événements n’avait pas passé - et celui-là absolument ne peux pas être permis.

    — Quoi ... tu veux dire ...

    — Vous êtes en partie d’histoire maintenant. Venez, vitessement ...

    — Mais, Docteur ...

    — N’appelez-moi pas comme ça ! » hurla-t-il.

    Embroillée, elle se dépêcha pour suivre les grands pas de ses jambes longues.

    « Mais, tu as dit ...

    — Vous vous trompez. Je suis le Valeyard. »

    September 20, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Tamuna10
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    Eléanor Martin ne pouvait pas s’empêcher de se demander si elle avait glissé dans un rêve.

    Ou plus mal ...

    Certainement, ce semblait plausible, que le véhicule de police qui avait été en train d’accélérer vers elle, en fait lui avait frappé, l’embardée brusque allant mal. Peut-être la forme solide qui avait entré en collision avec elle et lui poussé à côté avait été le pare-chocs de la voiture, et pas la grande forme maigre d’un homme habillé bizarrement, à qui elle avait attaché elle-même, jusqu’à il avait separé lui-même de s’étreinte et s'est tourné pour partir.

    Il n’avait pas semblé de lui décourager, quand elle avait suivi, et avait présenté lui-même comme un Docteur. Pourtant, il n’était pas allé à l'ambulance en attendant. Plutôt, à sa confusion, il était allé à une cabine de police bleue et démodée, a déverouillé la porte, s'est tourné vers elle, et a dit :

    « Bien ? Est-ce que vous venez ? »

    ~

    « Où sommes-nous ? »

    C’était évident que le vaisseau s’était mis à quai. Les cylindres d’or et d’argent, au milieu du console hexagonal et en marbre indigo, avaient fait taire, et la chambre entière était devenue silente et immobile.

    « C’est la question fausse, Mademoiselle Martin, » le Docteur répondit [ou "a répondu, au passé composé, mais passé simple est meilleur ici], se levant près du console, avec une main qui se posait sur le bord un peu tendrement. Il y avait une lueur d’excitation dans ses yeux grises. Sourcillant, perplexé, elle poussa la porte.

    La première chose qui éveilla son attention fut la bruit. Des vendeurs dans kiosques en bois claironnaient, les roux des carriages grinçaient et les sabots des chevaux résonnaient sur les pavés, et des personnes se promenaient à travers du smog et des lumières des lampes, allaient et venaient aux pubs bruyants. Elle cligna des yeux, ferma la porte, l’ouvra encore ...

    « C’est ... quoi ?! » Mais, elle reconnit la ligne d’horizon. « Rue de Whitechapel. J’ai grandit pas loin d’ici. Mais ... Quand sommes-nous ? »

    « Ah, je savait qu’on arriverait là ... » Avec un sourire un peu tordu, le Docteur lui guida de sortir la porte et dans la rue. Ce semblait que pas de personne remarqua leur apparition soudaine - ou, d’ailleurs, la cabine de police qui prenait le plus du trottoir devant eux.

    « On est le trente-et-un août, mille huit cent quatre-vingt-huit, » dit-il, en commençant à descendre dans la rue, avec Eléanor près de lui.

    « Oh ! » Un petit morceau d’histoire locale entrit l’esprit. « Oh, la vache ... oh, la vache ! Tu vas arrêter Jack l’Éventreur ! Tu as une machine à remonter le temps, et tu vas arrêter Jack l’Éventreur ! »

    « L'arrêter? » Le Docteur laissa échapper un rire court et plutôt froid. « Ma chérie ... le personnage que vous connaissez comme ’Jack l’Éventreur’ est en partie d’histoire, et vous marchez en histoire. Le monde comme vous le connaissez, cela serait assez différent si ces événements n’avait pas passé - et celui-là absolument ne peux pas être permis.

    — Quoi ... tu veux dire ...

    — Vous êtes en partie d’histoire maintenant. Venez, vite ...

    — Mais, Docteur ...

    — N’appelez-moi pas comme ça ! » hurla-t-il.

    Embroillée, elle se dépêcha pour suivre les grands pas de ses jambes longues.

    « Mais, tu as dit ...

    — Vous vous trompez. Je suis le Valeyard. »

    Une belle histoire! Votre français est très beau! Merci beaucoup! ^_^ [5/7] lingots. Oui, et une note: On ne dit jamais en français "la machine de temps", c'est plutot "la machine à remonter le temps" ou "la machine à voyager le temps". :)

    September 22, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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    Oh, merci, merci, merci !!! Vous êtes magnifique ! Je prends des notes - vos conseils seront très utiles. Je continuerai à pratiquer ! (Et, je pense que je utiliserai souvent le mot pour "la machine à voyager le temps" - j'adore écrire sur le sujet de Docteur Who !)

    September 22, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Tamuna10
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    Je vous en prie :) Je vais corriger vos autres textes aussi. :)

    September 22, 2015

    https://www.duolingo.com/Aietra
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    I am quite possibly overly ambitious...still, gotta push to try and improve... Have a short Doctor Who fanfic! (Also, my dictionary is from 1933, so do please let me know if any of the vocab is technically correct but out of date!)

    Eleonoro Martin ne povis ne scivoli, se ŝi estis glitinta en sonĝon.

    Aŭ pli malbone...

    Certe ŝajnis ebla, ke la polica aŭto, kiu estis akceliĝinta al ŝi, fakte batis ŝin, ĝia subita devojo malsukcesinta, dum ŝi staris, senmova, svingi sian afiŝon. Eble la solida formo, kiu frapis ŝin kaj puŝis ŝin flanke, estis la bufro de la aŭto, ne la alta, maldika staturo de frenezvestiĝa viro, kiun ŝi firmtenis, ĝis li apartigi mem el ŝia manpremo, kaj turnis lin por farmarŝi.

    Ne ŝajnis, ke li malkuraĝigis ŝin, kiam ŝi sekvis lin, kaj li prezentis mem tiel Doktoro. Tamen li ne iris al atenda ambulanco. Anstataŭe, konfuzite, li iris al antikva polica telefonŝranko, malŝlosis la pordon, turnis lin al ŝi, kaj diris:

    "Nu, ĉu vi venas?"

    ~

    "Kie estas ni?"

    Estis evidenta, ke la "ŝipo" estis alteriĝinta. La oraj kaj arĝentaj cilindroj en la mezo de la seslatera konzolo en indigkolora marmoro, senmoviĝis, kaj la tuta ĉambro iĝis senbrua kaj trankvila.

    "Erara demando, Fraŭlino Martin," la Doktoro respondis, starinte apud la konzolo, kun unu mano kiu ripozis sur ĝi, en maniero iom amema. Estis lumeto de ekscitiĝo en liaj grizaj okuloj. Sulkiga la fronton, konfuza, ŝi puŝis la pordon.

    La unua eco kiu venis al ŝi, estis la bruo. Vendistoj kriegis el lignaj kioskoj, ruloj de kaleŝoj kraketis kaj ĉevalhufoj klakadis sur bulŝtonoj, kaj homoj vagis tra lamplumo kaj fumnebulo, enirintaj kaj elirintaj bruajn drinkejojn. Ŝi palpebrumis, fermis la pordon, malfermis ĝin denove...

    "Kia...?!" Sed ŝi konstatis la domhorizonon. "Whitechapel Vojo. Mi edukiĝis ne for de tie ĉi. Sed... Kiam estas ni?"

    "Ah, mi sciis, ke oni realizus..." Kun torditeta rideto, la Doktoro gvidis ŝin tra la pordo, kaj en la straton. Ŝajnis ke neniu rimarkis iliajn subitajn aperaĵojn - aŭ, ajne, la blua polica telefonŝranko, kiu ampleksis la plejparton de la pavimo malantaŭ ili.

    "Estas la vespero de trideka de aŭgusto, mil okcent okdek ok," li diris, kaj ekiris laŭ la strato, kun Eleonoro apud li.

    "Ho!" Ero de historio venis al ŝia menso. "Ho mia dio...ho mia dio! Vi haltos Ĵakvo la Buĉisto! Vi havas tempo-maŝinon, kaj vi haltos Ĵakvo la Buĉisto!"

    "Halti lin?" La Doktoro faris mallongan ridon, iom malvarme. "Mia kara...la ulo ke vi konas tiel 'Ĵakvo la Buĉisto' estas parto de historio, kaj vi marŝas en historio. La mondo tiel vi scias ĝin estus iom malsama, se tiuj okazoj ne okazis - kaj tio ne rajtas!"

    "Kio...vi intencas..."

    "Vi estas parto de historio nun. Venu, rapide."

    "Sed, Doktoro..."

    "Ne nomigu min tiel!" li diraĉis. Konfuzite, ŝi rapidiĝis, por kuratinĝi kun liaj longaj paŝoj.

    "Sed, vi diris..."

    "Vi miskomprenis. Mi estas la Valejardo."

    September 20, 2015
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