"Die Hexen hätten den Planeten in ein Paradies verwandelt."
Translation:The witches would have transformed this planet into a paradise.
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Yes, there are a few masculine nouns that do this, they're called weak nouns. See: http://germanforenglishspeakers.com/nouns/weak-nouns-the-n-declension/
There ARE other planets - both in the natural world and in fantasy and science fiction writing (this sentence sounds to me as if it would probably be from sci-fi or fantasy).
Does this sentence mean “they would have, if they’d had the chance” (= they didn’t have the chance, so the planet is not a paradise now) or “people say that the reason this planet is now a paradise is witches” (= i’m skeptical about what people say about witches, but the planet is a paradise regardless)? Or both?
Actually, the persons who call themselves "witches" today in my experience - and I do know some who do - are practicing a "earth-centered spirituality" and tend to be devoted ecologists who compost, are active in environmental organizations, conserve water, are careful not to litter, try to minimize their carbon footprint, and so on. I am sure such folk do contribute to "saving the planet".
Unfortunately human beings have often thought the proper response to those who express opinions with which the first group do not agree is to kill those persons. Kill the heretic! Kill the blasphemer! Kill the infidel! (Those whose religious beliefs differ from mine. ) Kill the communists (or the capitalists). Kill the traitors (those whose politics I disagree with). It is a sad trait of humankind, which we need to try to mend if we are to have a bright future as a species.