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10 Nhận xét
Thank you for facilitating us, i'm really interested in this topic. I sometime have my friends rectified my paragraph. It's virtually a dime a dozen. I think it's one of the best ways to improve English. I'll write about my dreams, actually it's the first time i write about it ^^.
As a child, i had many dreams in my mind, including doctor, engineer, detective, programmer, designer...but designer was the most fascinating dream. There was a time, i thought that i would be a famous designer with abundant collections. And i compiled a long list to make it work. Seemingly, Children always dream so far ^^. Unfortunately! When i was in secondary school, a terrible teacher took my art class. He held me down and he killed my dream. I had to draw by force, not by passion, and it killed my dream day by day. When i graduated, my dream was totally dead.
In following years, i did not think of any particular dream. Everything i did at that time is studying. There were too many exercises, knowledge, social activities which i had to handle. in the year i graduated upper secondary school, VN -index and HN-index were so hot. it was the reason why i decided to study finance banking. Honestly, i had no passion on it, it was chosen 'cause it was the hottest orientation at that time.
But people say " Human propose but God dispose". I experienced it. During the whole years in university, VN-index and HN-index as well as the bottom line of the banks plunged to the bottom. It's not even positive now. It fluctuates unpredictably.
Even though, My major is finance banking, but i'm not a banker now. I dreamed that i would be a clerk or a broker to do my majors such as : Spot, swap, buying a call or option... But after all i'm an exporter now =)). I work in a logistic department of a canned food company. I prepare documents such as C/O, B/L, custom declaration... But procedure is always tedious, i think i will look for a new job such as auditor or accountant to experience new things as well as new problems ^^.
Please check it out and show me mistakes and help me to rectify it. Thank you very much and have a nice day ^^
your text generally is good. You can write it better I believe by rephrasing your sentences, finding new ways of building your sentences and ideas. This is also a good way to learn English ;)
Below is my advise and some points you should have a look at.
Unfortunately is an adverb, it's better not to put '!' to express opinions, except when you express your emotion in a conversation. I think you mean this in your text ''Unfortunately, a terrible teacher took my art class when I was in secondary school''
"After I graduated, my dream was totally dead" - I think "after" sounds better than "when"
"i did not think of any particular dreams" - it's better to use "any+ plural noun/uncountable nouns" in negative sentences, although you can use it with singular nouns.
"Everything i did at that time is studying" - not "is" but WAS - because this sentence express in the past - Everything I did = past = was
many exercises - "assignments" will be a better choice here ;)
"in the year i graduated upper secondary school" - sounds odd to me. Tip is to keep it simple. you can just say "when I graduated ...". If I were you, I would write "At the end of upper secondary school/high school"
VN-index and HN-index - you mean "stock market"???
you should not use "hot" to describe this sentence, although 'hot' also means 'popular. "Popular" will be a better choice.
" At the end of upper secondary school, the stock market was widely/very popular, so I decided to study "Banking and Finance" / so I decided to take the Banking and Finance course" - or you mean somethings else?
Passion FOR it but not "on" - check Oxford dictionary
"Human propose but God dispose" - the correct saying is "Man proposes, God disposes" ;)
"During the whole years in university" - again, sounds odd to me. I would write "during my life/time in university or during my university years"
11.. VN-index and HN-index as well as the bottom line of the banks plunged to the bottom - what do you exactly mean?
- "Even though, My major is finance banking, but i'm not a banker now" - we don't use even though and but in the same sentence, as well 'no comma after eventhough
"Eventhough my major is banking finance, I am not a banker now" - what do you mean by "banker" actually? just make sure it expresses exactly what you want to say ;)
- Please check the meaning of "exporter"
I hope you are not mad with these things above. There are several things in regard to building sentences. you can rewrite this text if you like. Please feel free to ask me if you disagree or do not understand what I have written above
Please dont see this as ashamed or something. I just wanna help those who need help to the best of my ability
Thank you very much, how can i get mad? ^^, i'll notice it.
"Banker" means an officer such as clerk, credit officer... I know it also means the owner of a bank =)).
"Exporter" - in my company, everyone calls me "exporter" so i did not think that it was wrong.
"Banking and Finance" - All of my degrees is "Finane Banking" so i'm so confused 'cause of it.
"The bottom line" - It's one of indexes to examine a company ^^
"Finance Banking" - generally people can understand what you mean. My suggestion is the English term for the course. Exporter means a person, company or country that sells goods to another country - according to Oxford. So, to be honest, I am not sure here in regard to what you/they meant by this word ;) I mean Vietnamese meaning
làm ơn hướng dẫn tôi sử dụng mạo từ THE khi nào sử khi nào không sử dụng. thanks