Spanish Jokes #1
This is the first post of Spanish jokes. There will be a post of this (hopefully) each week. Feel free to add some jokes of your own!
- ¿Cómo llama el vaquero a su hija? – ¡Hijaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
(How does the cowboy call his daughter? – Eeee – haaa! The joke is based on the similar sound of the word daughter in Spanish, hija, and the stereotypical cowboy shout yee-haaw!)
- En la escuela, la maestra dice: – A ver Luis, ¿cómo te imaginas la escuela ideal? – Cerrada, maestra, cerrada.
(In class, the teacher says, “Let’s see Luis, How do you imagine the ideal school?” “Closed.”)
- ¿Sabes las dos palabras que te abrirán muchas puertas en el mundo? -Tire y empuje.
(Do you know the two words that will open many doors for you in this world? Pull and push.)
- ¿Por qué está triste el cuaderno de matemáticas? – Porque tiene muchos problemas.
(Why is the math notebook sad? Because it has a lot of problems.)
- Una madre mosquito le dice a sus hijos mosquititos: – Hijos, tienen mucho cuidado con los humanos y no se acerquen a ellos ya que siempre quieren matarnos. Pero uno de los mosquitos le dijo: – No, Mami, eso no es cierto. El otro día un humano se pasó la tarde aplaudiéndome.
(A mother mosquito says to her baby mosquitos, “Children, be careful with humans and don’t get close to them because they always want to kill us.” But one of the mosquitos answers, “No Mommy, that isn’t true. The other day a human spent the whole afternoon clapping for me.”)
- Un soldado le dice a otro: – Viene gente. – ¿Son amigos o enemigos? – Deben ser amigos porque vienen todos juntos.
(One soldier says to the other, “There are people coming.” “Are they friends or enemies?” “They must be friends because they are all coming together.”)
- ¿Qué le dijo un techo a otro techo? – Techo de menos.
(What did one roof say to the other roof? I miss you. This joke is based on techo, roof, sounding the same as te echo. Te echo de menos is one way to say I miss you in Spanish.)
- Si tengo cuatro pesos en el bolsillo y se me caen dos, ¿qué tengo ahora en el bolsillo? – ¡Un agujero!
(If I have four pesos in my pocket and two fall out, what do I have in my pocket now? A hole!)
- Un niño se sube a un bus y le dice al chofer: – ¿Cuánto cuesta el bus? Y éste le responde: – Pues, 10 pesos. Y el niño le dice: ¡Vale, que se bajen todos que lo compro!
(A little boy gets on a bus and says to the driver, “How much is the bus?” The driver answers,” It’s 10 pesos.” And the boy says, “Okay, everybody off. I’m buying it!”)
- Había un ciempiés caminando por el bosque, y había una ramita y se tropezó, se tropezó, se tropezó, se tropezó, se tropezó…
(There was a centipede walking through the forest, and here was a stick in his way and he tripped, tripped, tripped, tripped, tripped, tripped…..)
había un profesor de Inglés y un estudiante en una aula y el profesor le preguntó '?como se dice nariz en Inglés?' y el estudiante contestò 'no se' y el profesor dijo '!buen hecho!'
humorous because i don't know in spanish is spelt the same as nose in english
an 8 year old told me this joke
Dos ratas en una alcantarilla ven pasar un murciélago. Una dice "Ahí va mi novio" y la otra contesta "Es muy feo". Y la primera dice "Si, pero es piloto". Two rats in a sewer see a bat passing. One of them says "There goes my boyfriend" and the other replys "He's very ugly". And the first one says "Yes, but he's a pilot".
do the jokes have to be Spanish if not here go There was a nice lady, a minister's widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was planning a week's vacation in California at Skylake Yosemite campground (Bass Lake, to the uninitiated), but she wanted to make sure of the accommodation first. Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom commode," but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as "BC." "Does the cabin where I will be staying have its own 'BC'? If not, where is the 'BC' located?" is what she actually wrote.
The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady's check and gave it to his secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what "BC" meant. Then the owner went off to town to run some errands.
The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn't decipher it either. The staff member's wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. "Of course," the first staffer exclaimed, "'BC' stands for 'Baptist Church.' " And he sat down and wrote:
I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.
The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the 'BC.'
I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember, this is a friendly community.
The Campground Owner
"Am I hearing this right" "Oyes"
Un hombre con un pato entra en un bar y dice 'Mi pato puede hablar.' 'Esto tengo que ver' dice el camarero. Entonces el hombre pone el pato encima de la mesa y dice 'Pregúntele algo.' '¿Has visto la nueva película? el camero pide. '¡Cuá!' dice el pato. 'Pendejo, dijiste que podía hablar' el camero dice. 'Bueno, no contaste su pregunta' el hombre responde.
A man walks into a bar with a duck and says "My duck can talk." "This I've got to see!" says the waiter. So the man puts the duck on the table and says "Ask him anything." "Have you seen the new movie?" the waiter asks. "Quack!" says the duck. "You idiot, you said he could talk." The waiter says. "Well you didn't answer his question" the man responds. This is somewhat lost in translation so I'll explain: ¡cuá!(Quack) and ¿cuál?(Which one) sound very similar in Spanish.