security guard yet here the ochroniarzem is put as a bouncer in the original
If I say "I am Ignacio" do I have to say "On jest Ignaciem" or some crazy thing?
Well, technically correct. (in Polish if one wants to introduce oneself one does it like this: Jestem Ignacio (I'am Ignacio), hence -> On ma na imię Ignacio; nazywam się Ignacio <Surname> -> On nazywa się Ignacio <Surname>) But the most probably scenario is to not decline as the word „Ignacio” is rather foreign and unhandy, so we would try to keep it in nominative either by not declining but most of all using constructions that go with nominative.
The other possibility is to use polonized version of „Ignacio” that is Ignacy -> On jest Ignacym, still nobody would ever use it as an introduction phrase.
Wait wait wait... how is this 'technically correct'? I would never say "Jestem Markiem", just as I don't expect you'd say "Jestem Pawłem". The Instrumental rule doesn't work for names, it would be totally weird.
Well, I meant it is grammatically correct but not no Polish speaker would use it to express: „I am Paul”. If we expand this sentence a bit: „Jestem tym Pawłem (, który)” it works fine.
Or if we were to play some kind of RPG etc where we choose our character from predefined ones, which already have a name. Can't I say for example: Jestem Pawłem (instead of gram Pawłem) the same way I say: "Jestem paladynem".