https://www.duolingo.com/profile/CharmingTiger

That look when you find out...

That look when you figure out someone who you've been talking to on Duolingo knows you personally AND they knew who YOU were the WHOLE time:


January 9, 2016

25 Comments


https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Lrtward

No. Way.

NO WAY!!!

Did you start doing a mental review of every conversation you've ever had on Duo? I would have!

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/CharmingTiger

That's exactly what happened! I will tell you this - my mind was literally reeling as I tried to figure out how congruent my online identity is with what they actually know about me.

To be honest, the whole thing was rather embarrassing, because you expect a level of anonymity here - and boy, did they throw me for a loop! XD

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Usagiboy7

Identity is A M A Z I N G like that! There is this myth that we are these consistent beings. I'm doing some research right now and who we are is very much oriented to "who-we-are-with-others". And that makes sense. We treat someone who is 3 different than someone who is our teacher or our boss. In part, this is called our "face" and people do "face work".

I've actually thought of this in the past, because I have friends on here that I know offline. Because I'm a moderator,the situation requires I be selective about what portions of my personality to bring forward and which ones to contain. Because of that, my "Duolingo face" is a lot less complex. I certainly feel nervous about meeting people offline, who I first knew on Duolingo. It is easier for me to know offline people who then get to see me on Duolingo. It feels less vulnerable to contract than to expand.

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/CharmingTiger

Bunneh, please send me more information on this subject. I don't know how to feel about this 'face work' stuff you speak of. On one hand, it is quite good because it keeps people from doing and saying bad things, because they have to think about the social consequences. On the other hand, face work can pigeonhole us into maintaining an identity in order to stay congruent with how other people view us.

Sometimes it feels quite liberating to step outside your normal personality and behavioral range and be something that you are not. It is how you make a change from within. But, at times it also feels like you are betraying yourself, because of this "identity" you have constructed with your ego.

You cannot throw out the baby with the bathwater here! As human beings we are extremely sensitive to all social cues, and I want to know the good and the bad of it so as to better arm myself with tools as I constantly weigh the options:

Social adaption, or stay true to oneself (whatever that means)

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/no.name.42

"Sometimes it feels quite liberating to step outside your normal personality and behavioral range and be something that you are not." I think for this reason I always felt it was easier to talk about my personal life on the internet.

January 10, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Lrtward

On the other hand, face work can pigeonhole us into maintaining an identity in order to stay congruent with how other people view us. Sometimes it feels quite liberating to step outside your normal personality and behavioral range and be something that you are not.

This is a big reason that "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas." Going "away" to a liberal (hedonistic, drunken) place lets us act out facets of our personality that we keep covered up in real life. It's fun, and even good for personal growth, but you don't want it to follow you home because it's not necessarily congruent with who you are around family and colleagues.

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/CharmingTiger

A very good point! I might add though that on the flip side in social situations you can be placed in a specific tier of a social hierarchy, which can be difficult to move up in or remove yourself from. This is why it is difficult for many people to get promoted at work, and why people follow other people into doing very bad things, instead of just taking themselves out of the situation entirely.

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Usagiboy7

A social psychologist named Erving Goffman wrote about face work in a 1959 book called The Presentation of Self in Everyday Life. Very good book. I read it for a class. The book is pretty short.

There are a few different interpretations of face. People are often familiar with the concept of "losing one's face" meaning to be humiliated. I think of face as putting one's best self forward. But here is a general look at it from a few different interpretations https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Face_(sociological_concept)

The idea is that this is what people do in general. That it's a genuine human experience of being social.

What I didn't know was that the naming the phenomenon originated in China, according to wikipedia. It is related to guarding one's honor.

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/wildfood

That's almost as bad as having your computer speaker turned up on your work computer and having Duolingo repeat an embarrassing sentence really loud...

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/WanderingMonk

lol!

January 9, 2016

https://www.duolingo.com/profile/altland

lol I can definitely relate

January 9, 2016

[deactivated user]

    Or that look you get when you think you know someone personally on Duolingo and it turns out you were wrong...... O.o

    January 9, 2016

    https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Jocelyn-H

    Haha! There was this one kid I was friends with and I followed him. However, about two months later, I found out that it wasn't really him--it was his mom. So embarrassing...

    January 9, 2016

    [deactivated user]

      ;P

      January 9, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/lisa4duolingo

      Can't say that I've had this experience, but there was a time when I used to think of a particular duolingo contributor as female and then I found out this person was actually male. I never mentioned that to this person, but I did find it rather amusing and interesting. I imagine that we attribute, correctly or incorrectly, gender qualities based off of name, avatar used, content of contributions, and the like. I wonder if anyone has done any studies on that. Regardless, I appreciate all the contributions everyone has made to this thread. It's been an interesting discussion and what a great GIF compilation.

      January 20, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Usagiboy7

      Such a great observation!

      January 20, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Hyllning

      Lol. That happened to me three times already.

      January 9, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Hyllning

      I act like the Jack Sparrow one XD

      January 10, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Bersalon

      I'm afraid I can't see the image. I imagine it's funny, though!

      January 9, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Lrtward

      It's hilarious. Try this: http://i.imgur.com/g1GTW3v.gif

      January 9, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/Bersalon

      Eeh, my computer doesn't allow that link. Thanks for trying, though!

      January 9, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/amaratea

      does it actually happen?..

      January 11, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/CharmingTiger

      Oh yes!

      January 11, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/amaratea

      the only situation I can imagine is when Duo is suggested by teachers of a language learning group, then some learners put their real photos in their profiles, post their backgrounds or de-virtualize themselves in any other way. This way they can be spotted easily by other group members, since everyone is learning the same language and seeing the same discussions in more or less the same time. otherwise it's really hard for me to think of a sutiation, but not saying it's totally impossible :)

      January 11, 2016

      https://www.duolingo.com/profile/EricaHarley

      Lol!

      January 9, 2016
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