So first we have, 'I hate spiders' followed by, 'Do you want a spider?' That was my LIFE growing up with older brothers: 'What's that on your collar? (beat) Oh, never mind, it was just a spider. (pause while I'freak out ) Don't get so upset, it's not on your collar anymore. (beat) It went down inside your shirt.'
Mom was no help. I told her once that I had killed 'Sammy Spider' (her name for any spider I found in my room) and she said, 'Oh, don't worry. He has a wife and a lot of children and they'll be back later.' I think she actually thought she was comforting me or something.
If I didn't know better, I would think my family was writing these sentences.