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The real reason why Duolingo does not have a Finnish course (Oh, come on! Work already!)

Terve!

[The fourth edit: I have failed to get this post out without most of the viewers getting an error 404 for three times now. It is a conspiracy! :P]

I have discovered the real reason why Duolingo does not have a Finnish course. It is simple really. Finland does not exist. And here is the cartographic evidence.

As you can see, most of “Finland” is actually covered by the Baltic Sea and Finnish Lapland is a part of Sweden (why Northern Norway is larger than is usually thought is not explained for some reason). Finns live in Northern Sweden under the illusion that they are living in an independent republic. This is a worldwide conspiracy designed to draw attention away from Japanese influence in Europe. The Japanese, you see, are fishing in the Baltic Sea.

When you think about it, it all makes sense! This is a quote from an investigation in Vice:

"No real country could so consistently place first in education, healthcare, gender equality, literacy rates, national stability, the least corrupt government in the world, freedom of the press," reads the theory. "It's a concept for countries and people to aspire to."

Simply put, Finland is the world's Canadian girlfriend that totally exists you guys.

Now, I admit there are some flaws in this theory. Foremost, according to GPS, I am currently situated approximately where the letter d in “Finland” has been placed in the map above. I can see trees, fields, lakes and snow when I look about. Admittedly, it could all be a part of the plan. If you have enough influence to have a secret fishing fleet, disguising a part of a sea as land is not a biggie. OR they could have simply just messed up the GPS. Now that I think about it, there have been suspiciously many Japanese people in Finland recently. We just thought they were here for this:

Or this:

This all started, when a chap called Jack shared a trick played on him by his parents on Reddit. You can read his story in Vice. I think it is safe to assume that 99.9% of people treat the story as a joke but let us not forget that Internet gave us this:

So, is Duolingo afraid of drawing attention to the situation in Northern Europe and hence refuses to start a Finnish course? After all, if we dumb Finns would discover the truth, Sweden would descend into the madness of civil war!

Happy Duolingoing everyone!

Mari

November 23, 2017

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