Jokes in Spanish

Un neutrón entra a un bar y ordena una bebida. Cuando el neutrón obtiene su bebida, pregunta: "Camarero, ¿cuánto te debo?"

El camarero responde: "Para ti, neutrón, sin cargo".

Translation to English:

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, "Bartender, how much do I owe you?"

The bartender replies, "For you, neutron, no charge."

Now another joke:

Un pato entra a un bar y pregunta: "¿Tienes uvas?"

El barman, confundido, le dice al pato que no. El pato le agradece y se va.

Al día siguiente, el pato regresa y pregunta: "¿Tienes uvas?"

Una vez más, el barman le dice: "No, el bar no sirve uvas, nunca ha servido uvas y, además, nunca servirá uvas". El pato le agradece y se va.

Al día siguiente, el pato regresa, pero antes de que pueda decir nada, el cantinero grita: "¡Escucha, pato! ¡Este es un bar! ¡No servimos uvas! Si vuelves a pedir uvas, clavaré tu estúpido pico de pato en ¡el bar!"

El pato guarda silencio por un momento y luego pregunta: "¿Tienes uñas?"

Confundido, el cantinero dice que no.

"¡Bueno!" dice el pato. "¿Tienes uvas?"

Translated in English:

A duck walks into a bar and asks, "Got any grapes?"

The bartender, confused, tells the duck no. The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns and asks, "Got any grapes?"

Again, the bartender tells him, "No -- the bar does not serve grapes, has never served grapes and, furthermore, will never serve grapes." The duck thanks him and leaves.

The next day, the duck returns, but before he can say anything, the bartender yells, "Listen, duck! This is a bar! We do not serve grapes! If you ask for grapes again, I will nail your stupid duck beak to the bar!"

The duck is silent for a moment, and then asks, "Got any nails?"

Confused, the bartender says no.

"Good!" says the duck. "Got any grapes?"

May 23, 2018


Sorted by top post

My favorite bilingual Spanish/English joke is this one (from memory):

A Spanish-speaker is visiting the US for the first time on a tour, and spots a soda vending machine. He puts in the change from his pocket without paying attention to the fact that he is ten cents short, and presses a button. The machine displays "Dime." He leans in and whispers "Quiero Coca-Cola, por favor."

Silly, but it cracks me up.

[Edit] The joke being that the English word "Dime" looks like "Dime" meaning "Tell me" in Spanish ;)

May 23, 2018

I love silly and word plays. Have a lingot for the smile on my face!

May 24, 2018

Des pecesitos estan hablando. Uno le pregunta al otra, "que hace tu papa?" El segundo le repuesta, "nada."


Two little fish are talking. One says to the other, "What does your dad do?" The second replies, "nada."

The joke being that nada means swim and also nothing

May 23, 2018

It must be pececitos instead of pecesitos :)

May 24, 2018

my bad

June 2, 2018

Thanks for the giggle. At level 17, I am proud to comment that I did not need any English translation . Cudos to you and Duolingo. Six months ago, translations would have been necessary.

May 23, 2018

Hey there, I was wondering how you got to the level you are now. Do you finish every new topic (for example: basics 1, animals) to level five or do you start new topics without finishing the previous ones?

May 24, 2018

I go through three full lessons over the course of three weeks. It seems to be working quite well and will continue doing it.

May 25, 2018

The second one doesn't work in Spanish, unless you change "uñas" by "clavos" and "uvas" by a similar word.

May 23, 2018

Yeah, uña is like a finger/toenail.

May 23, 2018

Maybe "soy" milk is just regular milk introducing itself. :)

May 24, 2018

Dragon, you are funny, too. Thanks for putting a smile on my face!

May 24, 2018

jajaja que tonto pero chistoso

May 23, 2018

Wow, that made my day.

May 24, 2018

tu madre

May 24, 2018

After teaching school in urban Jax, I know a boatload of “tu madre” jokes. Most are too blue to post. Have a lingot for bravery!

May 24, 2018
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