Poem - The Doom of Valyria
while watching videos and reading comments I came across a comment saying it would be nice to have the poem of the doom of valyria translated into High Valyrian. It's the one that Tyrion quotes while he travels trough valyria with Jorah Mormont. So I thought that's a nice idea to do. Here is my solution. I would like to hear your thoughts about it or ideas of improvements.
Pōntāle vamiot ōretis se mōriot pōja inka pāletis
Ezīntaksi lua blēna se jēdrari iprattas luor sȳndror
Eglī se zālarī tȳdis lȳs perzyssy hegnīr sesīr zaldrīzesse zaltis
Aderī pōjo morgho gō ūndetis lī dōrī īlosy
Grēgī dōro bē, embraro jelmio dōroti bē ilzitas lura pelrī
Pyroti jēdroti oktion se valar gūrēntes lī tolvȳni
Vējes tolvȳni gīdirī pryjatas se daorys inkot ūndetis
They held each other close and turned their backs upon the end
The hills that split asunder, and the black that ate the skies
The flames that shot so high and hot that even dragons burned
Would never be the final sights that fell upon their eyes
A fly upon a wall, the waves the sea-wind whipped and churned
The city of a thousand years, and all that men had learned
The doom consumed it all alike, and neither of them turned
Good job! The fourth line could perhaps be rephrased into something less unwieldy, for example "Mōrī ūndis līr dōrī istosy" – "Would never be what they saw at the end". I thought the generic relative pronoun and the perfect tense were better suited to the context.
Kirimvose! Yes my sentence is a bit unwieldy. Your example is very nice, i like the solution with mōrī. And I think you are right with the perfect. It fits better, don't know why I used the imperfect here :D.
I must say I have not yet understand fully the difference between specific and generic relative pronouns. I thought we know exactly what it is, that they saw (the hills, the black, the flames), so we use specific. But as I said I'm not sure about that. Maybe it should be generic because its not a specific hill, but hills in general?
But if we use the generic one it should be lura (plural) instead of līr (singular), because they see more than one thing, right?
Thanks for the feedback :)
You can probably go with both generic and specific here. To me it seems more appropriate to talk about the scene as a whole that they are not seeing, like it's so many things that they become a collective of sorts.