https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self

My new poem "I saw a holy way"

A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

I saw a holy way

Solemn and mighty

I found my way

In the fog of time


My way is special

Beyond all dream

As long as any stories

Or travel you can think


As wide as any halls

Or land on the earth

As far as any stars

Or heaven in the sky


I can see that brightness

Stronger than the sun

Or as clean and fine

As the moonlight


I can hear that calling

As song of epic

Or music of wind

Singing in my life

As an English learner, I like writing very much. I have created a VK account for this purpose. if you like, you can follow me. and we can also communicate, about English, Chinese, poetry, or other :)

vk.com/oneeast

1 week ago

18 Comments


https://www.duolingo.com/MarinaS007
MarinaS007
  • 10
  • 7
  • 6
  • 4
  • 3
  • 6

I love poetry and this is very good:) we have a gentle soul here on DL, now don't we? :D this world of harsh and bad words needs this poetic refreshment nowadays...it's nice to see someone actually commit oneself to poetry combined with languages,I love it..keep it up:) and enjoy a couple of lingots from me!! xo

6 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/Bluebubble2018

I agree writing poetry is a feat in itself and to write in a language you're in the process of learning is just impressive.I was actually looking forward to another work from you,A-Self. :)

LittlemissLia has already mentioned but i'd like to add it would be better if you changed the 'bright' in the fourth stanza to 'brightness',or added a noun for example 'light' i.e 'bright light'. The word 'bright' acts as an adjective (a word describing a noun or pronoun),but since a noun is absent adding -ness will make 'bright' itself a noun,completing the verse.

Also,a suggestion, you can switch the 3rd and 4th verses with each other in the same stanza,so the properties are named first before the subject/noun,just to make it seem more structural.Like this :

Or as clean and fine As the moonlight

or

Clean and fine As the moonlight

Hope you don't mind the correction.Good work,keep it up.

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self
A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

Thank you very much, I am very happy to accept the suggestion!

4 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self
A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

Thank you, I am very happy that you can like it

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/LittlemissLia

我很期待你的诗歌!干得好!:D

你犯了一些错误:

“I found the my way” should instead be “I found my way” or “I found the way”. Using both ‘the’ and ‘my’ is repetitive.

In “I can see that bright” the word ‘bright’ should be ‘brightness’. The ‘-ness’ turns ‘bright’ into a noun. (In poetry, it might be okay to leave it as ‘bright’, but I wanted to let you know just in case.)

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self
A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

thank you very much!

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/E601H9Ll
E601H9Ll
  • 20
  • 15
  • 13
  • 12
  • 6
  • 2
  • 39

So good man.

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/YoongMin-Life

That was so good. Keep up the good work. We all support!

6 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self
A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

Thank you friend :)

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/YoongMin-Life

NP

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/TG.2019
TG.2019
  • 25
  • 25
  • 20
  • 20
  • 13
  • 8
  • 3
  • 3
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 2
  • 40

Very good

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/Esen.
Esen.
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4
  • 4

Shakespeare is shook.

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/jenai983455

I love Chinese and poetry myself. Good luck!

2 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/cloudstrife-_-

wswsws

1 week ago

https://www.duolingo.com/lewbronste
lewbronste
  • 22
  • 17
  • 14
  • 34

take out the word "holy"...it's meaningless and only refers to those who engage in religious nonsense........

6 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/YoongMin-Life

Be less negative and be more positive please. That was a little harsh don't you think?

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/A-Self
A-Self
  • 10
  • 11

It doesn't matter, thank you for your suggestion, I will use these words more cautiously in the future.

5 days ago

https://www.duolingo.com/YoongMin-Life

It does matter I don't want people to be harsh to friends :D Your welcome! But that was a little harsh.

5 days ago
Learn Chinese in just 5 minutes a day. For free.