Help with a Haiku!

Hello, I wrote a haiku for my Japanese girlfriend and I'm trying to not look like an idiot... If anyone has a fairly thorough understanding of Japanese please help me out! Thanks! 夢の良い 由紀子の抱いて 眠らせて

March 10, 2019


Hi! Well, a haiku doesn’t have to be strictly grammatical, but I would write 夢のよう、由紀子を抱いて 眠りたい The changes in the first and last line are optional, but I really think in the second line you need wo. I hope she likes it either way. :)

March 10, 2019

Thanks so much for your help!!

March 10, 2019

I'm Japanese. Haiku are needed to include a season word that we call 季語. Without 季語, the sentences will be Senryu (川柳). If I were you, I say 離れても 夢の中で 君と会う that is 川柳 though.

March 10, 2019

My eyes... so many Kanji I think my brains going to explode.

April 19, 2019

The central line is too long. 俳句はモーラを使います

March 11, 2019

モーラ doesn't make sense as Japanese words. I don't think the central line of Gabriel542665's haiku ( it's acturally 川柳 though) is too long. 俳句 and 川柳 follow the rule that one is composed with 5 alphabets, 7 alphabets, 5 alphabets. 由起子の抱いて(ゆきこのだいて ) is 7 alphabets.

March 12, 2019


March 12, 2019

Just a comment. モーラ (mora) is an academic term of phonology. Essentially one Japanese alphabet corresponds to one mora. Of course contracted sounds are exceptional.

smokey2022 may mean that a haiku must basically comply with the 5-7-5 mora formula.モーラ

March 12, 2019

Here are some general suggestions to compose Haiku, in addition to the 5-7-5 mora formula.

  1. As FumikoKagi already pointed out, all Haiku must include one "kigo", which is a term related the season. See and季語一覧 for details.

  2. Usually, the topic of Haiku is depicted objectively. Direct expression of personal emotion, impression and desire is not favored (e.g. 「大好きだ」「きれいだな」「遊びたい」).

  3. Universality is one of important factors of Haiku. Pay attention, if you want to use someone's proper name in Haiku.

  4. The classic grammar is often employed in Haiku (but not limited to).

A little thing of mine: 君の香のふと届きしか春の夢

March 13, 2019
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