"I am stealing IRN BRU and a bonnet."
Translation:Tha mi a' goid IRN BRU agus bonaid.
Journal entry: Saturday 3rd October 2020.
The Bonneted IRN BRU Bandit has struck again. We have no leads, no witnesses, nothing. Again, all they've left behind is a message in Scottish Gaelic describing their latest theft.
I'm starting to wonder if this is even a person at all. So many left without IRN BRU, so many left without bonnets. So much suffering in the land of my family and ancestors.
Is this some kind of faerie—one of the myriad of banshees?
Perhaps I will never know. I can only pray my IRN BRU is kept safe, and that this evil remains in its sìthean; content with its stolen supply.
God help us if it strikes again.