You can pick up chicks with this starter. Especially if you add afterwards: "Ik ben een banaan!".
The man strode up to the bar with an air of nonchalance, choosing his bar stool with deliberate casualness.
There was a woman to his right.
He turned ever so smoothly, signaling the bartender for two glasses of wine. He flashed the woman a smile, shifting in his seat.
"Waarom heb jij een eend?" He asked, offering her one of the glasses as the bartender placed them onto the mahogany counter.
There was indeed a duck in her lap.
She ignored him. "Ik wil een boterham zonder ei, alsjeblieft," she said to the bartender.
The man tried again. "Ik ben een banaan!"
He winked at her, and offered her duck part of his sandwich. "Uw eend houdt van brood, ja?"
She frowned. "Mijn eend wil geen jouw brood geen jouw banaan, dank je wel."
The bartender chose that moment to interrupt, having forgotten who wanted what sandwich. "Het spijt me, mevrouw, maar welke boterham is van jou? De boterham met kaas, of de boterham zonder ei?"
"De boterham zonder ei," she said tersely.
"Uw houdt van bananen, ja?" Tried the man once more.
The duck chose that moment to quack rather loudly. "Quack," to be precise.
The man blinked, somewhat taken aback. "De eend is niet Nederlands?"
"Nee," replied the woman. "Mijn eend is Engels."
The man then noticed that the duck was drinking tea from a saucer and that the woman was feeding it scones.
"Oke," said the man, realizing that they had gotten off on the wrong foot and that there was little chance of him salvaging the situation. He pushed his stool back and stood up. As he took out his wallet to pay for the drinks, he gave it one more shot. "Oke, oke, ik...uhhh....ik houd van de eends?"
The woman frowned, and there was a hint of danger in her voice. "Ik ben een appel!"
The man blushed and stuttered, "Oke, ja, ja, het spijt me, het spijt me, uhh, bendankt en dag."
The woman rolled her eyes as the man slinked off into the crowd.
And that was that.
This is great! It's encouraged me now that I feel like I'm learning real world Dutch!
I had actually google translated "quack" before - it's "kwak" in Dutch, for those interested - so I was a bit disappointed, but then you explained it all! Bravo!
Thank you! I had a lot of fun writing it, though my limited Dutch skills made some of it difficult (though I guess the challenge of writing with what Dutch I've learned so far was fun in its own way!).
Yes, but only when using the desktop version. It doesn't work on the app, unfortunately.
I feel like I actually learned something after reading all this without using translate!
OK serious question -- you would say: "je hebt een eend" So why is "have" conjugated as "heb", rather than "hebt"?
Straight from the Tips and Notes at the bottom of the Questions section:
"Dutch only applies inversion to form closed questions. Example:
1.Jullie zijn klaar - You are done
2.Zijn jullie klaar? - Are you done?
3.Jij zwemt - You swim
4.Zwem jij? - Do you swim?"
So, jij and je lose the ending 't' from their verb conjugation during inversion and only they do. This was specifically stated somewhere else, but I can't remember where I saw that. Probably in the grammar area:
I first read it with Chandler Bing's voice and imagined him asking Joey Tribbiani that.
Both pronouns are correct; jij simply puts more emphasis on the pronoun than je does. :) The same applies to zij versus ze and wij versus we.
Why is it spelled "waarom" and not "warom"? I thought long vowels are spelled with one letter when they precede a consonant (kaas → kazen). Is it because it's a composition of waar and om?
Yes, you would split it in syllables as 'waar-om'; so the first syllabe is deemed 'closed'. Where as for 'kazen' it would be split in 'ka-zen'. Similarly 'waren' (past tense of zijn, [we] were), starts with the same sound as waarom, but because you would split in syllables as 'wa-ren' is spelled differently.
"why are you having a duck?" is marked as incorrect. May I know the reason please
"Are you having a duck" isn't exactly proper English. There is a special context where English speakers will say something like "I'm having a drink," or "I'll have the fish" which is really just another way of saying "I am drinking a drink" or "I would like to eat the fish".
Beyond that context, you don't really use "having" in a concrete sense in English. English-speakers will instead say "Why do you have a duck," and Dutch seems to following along with that pattern. Therefore, "Why are you having a duck" would be incorrect grammar, and therefore wrong.