No native, but decent with English grammar and I think I can help explain your resolution which I, too, was grateful for. The wie is for who and, in essence it (as you wrote it) would be "Is he the one who(m) you love?" (technically in proper English we'd use the objective whom here--but essentially using a personal pronoun indicating a person) ... In English we use that for things and who for people. This is apparently true in Dutch as well.
There was a previous sentence: Is zijn diegene die jou/jij/je belt?
In the discussion thread it was explained:
jou - object (who calls you), jij - subject (whom you call), je - both (needs a context).
But here @Kai_E. suggests we need both a different word order and the wie for "the jij je".
I am confused. Is this correct:
Is hij diegene die van jij houdt? - Is hij diegene die van je houdt?
Is hij diegene die van jou houdt? - Is hij diegene van wie je houdt?
Is zijn diegene die jou belt? - Is zijn diegene die je belt?
Is zijn diegene die jou belt? - Is zijn diegene wie je belt?
I realize you made this comment some time ago, but I may have figured out (at least in part) what you were asking about.
For your first example (Is hij diegene die van jij houdt? - Is hij diegene die van je houdt?):
I believe the first where you used 'van jij' is incorrect. Jij is only used as a subject, and whatever follows the 'van' is the object of the verb 'houden van'. Since 'je' can be either a subject or an object, it is correct to use it ('je' is the unstressed version of 'jou', which is an object pronoun).
For your second example (Is hij diegene die van jou houdt? - Is hij diegene van wie je houdt?)
This means that the first part where you used 'van jou' is correct and means the same as 'van je', just that it is the stressed version. The second part has a different construction because the translation is different: "Is he the one whom you love?" As you can see, the difference is more clearly illustrated with the use of the word 'whom' which indicates that it is the object of the verb 'love'. Because whatever (noun phrase) immediately follows the 'van' in 'houden van', the 'je' is acting as the subject of the verb. Furthermore, the conjugated part of the verb is at the end of the clause because it is used in a relative clause (a type of subordinate/dependent clause). So, that whole sentence can be analyzed like this: (Is hij d(i)egene) (van wie) (je houdt) -- (Is he the one) (whom/that) (you love).
In your third and fourth examples, you accidentally use 'zijn' instead of 'zij'.
In your third example (Is zij diegene die jou belt? - Is zij diegene die je belt?) both are correct because 'jou' is the object pronoun and 'je' is its unstressed version. The sentence is analyzed as follows: (Is zij d(i)egene) (die jou belt) -- (Is she the one) (who is calling you). Again, the verb is at the end because it is in a subordinate clause.
For the second part of your fourth example (Is zij diegene wie je belt?), while a direct translation may be "Is she the one who calls you?", I do not believe this is correct Dutch and that the question word for 'who' is not used as a relativizer, though I am most likely misremembering that. Therefore I cannot speak to the validity of the sentence.
I hope this helped clear up any confusion! :-)
I'm really confused by this too (and I did read all the comments here). One of the previous sentences was "Ben ik degene die je wilt?" and it was translated as "Am I the one you want?" These two are the same except that one uses "degene" and the other "diegene", which as explained bellow does not make a substantial difference in the meaning, and that in one there is a preposition that cones before "je". Could someone shed some light on this please? :)
Do we always use die for who and that? For things and persons, singular and plural, de-words and het-words? And the verb is always at the end afterwards?
- The horse that walks. (= Het paard die loopt?)
- The dress that is blue. (= De jurk die blauw is?)
- The houses that are big. (= De huizen die grote zijn?)
- The boy who is tall. (= De jongen die lang is?)
- The girl who is fast. (= Het meisje die snel is?)
- The men who are here. (= De mannen die hier zijn?)
You use 'die' for masc/fem/plural nouns and 'dat' for neuter sigular nouns. This is the same rule that derives from its determiner use ('dat paard', 'die kip', 'die paarden'). So in your examples, the first one and the fifth one should use 'dat' instead. Note that 'dat' can also be used as a conjunction that introduces a subordinate clause - 'ik denk dat het liefde was' (I think (that) it was love) - this particular use is genderless. Hope this helps.
For those confused between "Is he the one who loves you" and "Is he the one that you love", it's actually pretty easy. You can check the subject who loves, if it is a male ("hij" indicates a male) it's the one who loves the other, so "Is hij diegene die van je houdt" means "Is he the one who loves you". If it was for example "Is zij diegene van die je houdt" or "Is dit meisje diegene van die je houdt", you can see the one being loved is female, so you easily say that the phrases translate to "Is she the one that you love" / "Is this girl the one that you love".
I know it may be hard to catch it at first, but practice more and you'll be able to understand it !
In one of the discussions at this topic was that 'diegene' is a stressed form of 'degene', meaning 'that one' (diegene) as opposed to 'the one' (degene). But in this sentence, using 'that one' was incorrect. Can anyone please explain me what's right and what's wrong? Thanks a lot!