No, an Italian wouldn't have a clue what you were saying unless they'd spent a long time with British people. There are equivalent Italian idioms which don't translate the other way either.
Just in case you wonder what he's asking, "[a bit of] how's your father" (NB never "how is" and never with "?") is a noun phrase and a euphemism for some illicit activity, usually sexual.
I think in general, definite articles are not common when referring to family members in Italian. However, they can be used before "mother" and "father" as a form of endearment. For instance: "La mia mamma/My Mom", instead of the more formal "Mia madre/My mother". Similarly, "Il mio papa" (with a stress on the 2nd "a" in "papa") and "Il mio padre" aren't as formal as "Mio padre".